Desires Overwhelming
by Tamaran Girl
Summary: AU Curse my eleven year old self. If I hadn't been so weak, I wouldn't be in the clutches of the darkest lord of the age, bind by the promise of having parents again. What if Harry had joined Voldemort in order to have his parents back? HG ANGST ONESHOT


**A/N: **Hey, everyone! Okay, first of all, don't kill me for not updating _Fairy Tales Just Aren't For Me_. School has been really, really busy as I'm now a high school student and have to keep really good grades. I will admit this: I haven't even started writing the next chapter for the story. I do, however, know what will be _in_ it. I just haven't gotten around to writing it. In fact, I wrote this when I was suppose to be studying for a test the next day.

Anyways, I hope you will enjoy this slightly darker tale of Harry/Ginny which will end in anguish and pain. _I_ almost cried; but then again, I'm a softy like that.

**Summary: **Curse my weak eleven-year-old self. If only I hadn't had such a weak heart, such a desire to have my parents back, I would've never even been tempted to fulfill my own selfish needs that I would join him. Him who destroyed so many lives. Him who killed my parents. Him who promised to bring them back. I'm now sixteen and he has done nothing but slowly destroy me to make me a hollow, cold person. My name is Harry Potter and I'm no hero; I'm a weak, pathetic little boy who couldn't refuse an offer to have his parents back. ANGST. TISSUES! HPGW AU

** This story is AU due to Harry accepts Voldemort's offer in the first movie **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or anything in the books.

* * *

**Desires Overwhelming**

That damn mirror just had to show my parents. I couldn't be normal and see myself as Quidditch captain or becoming Head Boy. No, I just had to be so weak and see my parents and thus the hollow hole within me began throbbing – _aching_ – ever since.

Curse my weak eleven-year-old self. If only I hadn't had such a weak heart, such a desire to have my parents back, I would've never even been tempted to fulfill my own selfish needs that I would join him. If I only had refused and been the hero, I wouldn't be in the clutches of the darkest lord of the age, bind by the promise of having parents again. I could've saved so many lives but instead, I killed so many all because I gave into him.

Him, you ask? Him who destroyed so many lives. Him who wants to rule. Him who killed my parents. Him who promised to bring them back. Him who promised the world to me yet gave me nothing but an empty promise.

I'm now sixteen and he has done nothing but slowly destroy me to make me a hollow, cold person. My name is Harry Potter and I'm no hero; I'm a weak, pathetic little boy who couldn't refuse an offer to have his parents back.

He uses me; he reassures me he'll bring them back, that he has the power. Until then, he says, I must continue obeying his orders, obeying his orders of deception and lies. I must carry them out, acting like the hero they all want to believe I am and destroy them all single-handed.

Some hero I am.

Ever since our encounter with Mirror of Erised, he had me go out and pretend as though I had vanquished him and forced him back into hiding. I had spun a tale of how I fought him and how he was torn from Quirrell's body. How he fled when he saw the magic I used.

It's all lies, I tell you. What really happened is that he told me to go out there and tell that story. Tell it to Dumbledore, tell it to Ron and Hermione, tell it to the world. And they all believed me. Because they think of me to be their saving hero.

The years went by and I continued the deception, continued his harmful game. I stayed with the Weasleys, pretended to be set upon destroying him while I was at his side, doing his deeds, slowly and subtly but nevertheless, carrying them out.

Everything was going right; everything was fine. I did what he told me without question, destroying others' happiness for my own self-gain.

Damn my desirable heart. Once again, it has destroyed me. It just had to fall for the one girl who was dead set against Voldemort and his ways and would help bring him and his supporters down. I had to fall in love with the girl who was everything a hero should be.

We had become closer throughout the years. She was beautiful; with her red hair cascading down her back and those mischievous chocolate brown eyes, she was the image of an angel. My angel.

Why, I would ask myself numerous times. Why did I have to fall for her? I felt the guilt come forth whenever the topic of Voldemort came up; she would always give angry-filled rants about him, eyes blazing, saying that he was a pathetic excuse for a wizard that is nothing. Here, she would always look at me, smiling a little and say he was no match for me, me with my goodness and pure heart.

My heart becomes heavier with guilt as I feel myself melting into her gaze, willing to do anything for her, anything to please her.

It happened one night; she gave me the most passionate speech she had ever said about Voldemort and his supporters. I still remember it like it was yesterday:

_"He's despicable," she spat angrily, those brown eyes flashing dangerously as she glared into the fire, legs clutched against her chest by her arms. She glanced at me. "He has destroyed so many lives; he is nothing more than a murderer and menace." _

_I avoid her eyes; I couldn't bear to look at her because I knew I would break down and tell her everything, of my betrayal to the Light all for the chance to have my parents back. _

_"And his supporters," she continued. "Bunch of cowards, the lot of them. But they deserve the same punishment as their dear master." _

_I felt my heart begin to pound as I said carefully, "Well…some of them are under his control, forced to work for him, you know." _

_She glanced at me again. "Like under the Imperius Curse?" _

_I shake my head slowly. "No…threatened, maybe. Or maybe promised their heart's desire from him." _

_I want to kill myself; I let too much slip. _

_It was silent before; _

_"It does not matter," she said. "They should be brave and fight against them. They should never give into personal gain at the expense of others' lives. It's disgusting," she finished with relish. _

_"But what if the gain was so tempting, so desirable – " _

_Her gaze cuts me off. _

_"Those who are strong can fight against those fake promises. They have to," she whispered. "If we didn't have people to fight against his promises, we would lose, Harry." Her eyes are filled with tears. "If we didn't have people like you, we would be lost." _

_She's killing me with her words, yet I know she's right; I must stop it all. I must stop what I've become. I must stop for her._

_----------_

She kisses me gently and melts the coldness from my heart. She whispers gently into my ear, "I love you," and I find myself smiling like I've never smiled before.

She is my savior; she's saving me slowly from the darkness that has consumed me. She's bringing me back, making me a better person. All just by being mine and being with me.

I kiss her neck and she laughs softly. I want more; I want _her_ more. She's intoxicating, so irresistible.

"Marry me," I whisper unconsciously. I hear her gasp and pull away.

"What?" she whispers back, wide brown eyes shining back at me in the darkness.

"Marry me," I repeat, kissing her again. "Be mine," I murmur.

I feel her soften against me. "Oh, Harry," she whispers. "I'm already yours."

She's warming me up, fighting away the darkness.

"I'll love you forever," she continues.

She's showing me the light; she's bringing me back, out of Voldemort's clutches. I find myself smiling against her lips.

It's over, Voldemort. I don't need you and your fake promises anymore. I've got her now and that's all that matters.

----------

"No."

Red eyes narrowed dangerously. "What did you say to me, boy?"

I matched his stare with piercing green eyes. "No. I won't kill the family."

I'm gaining the strength to defy him; she's helping me challenge him, to fight him. I won't be his puppet anymore; she's saving me. She's showing me that he can never give what me what I want.

"You will do as I say," he hisses angrily.

"Not anymore," I reply calmly, staring evenly into his eyes.

He stares at me before laughing his cold laugh from his throne he sat upon, that loathsome snake by his side, eyes gleaming as it gazed at me coolly.

"You wouldn't, boy," he told coldly, red eyes laughing at me as they stared evenly into me. "Not I, who can restore your parents back to life – "

"Stop the bull, Voldemort," I spat angrily, my wand pointed straight at his heart. I was ready; he had no defenses and was at my mercy. I could destroy the living bastard. "You've been promising that ever since I was eleven."

"All in due time," he said softly, watching me carefully. "It isn't time to attack yet, my boy. We must be patient. Once I'm in control of the world, you'll have everything you want. I can give you everything you want."

"No you can't," I responded, eyes narrowing. "I'm leaving and I'm going to tell the Ministry – tell _Dumbledore_ – all about your plans, reveal you and all your secret locations. And there's not one bloody thing you can do about it," I finished, rather satisfied with myself.

He merely laughed and leaned forward. "You wouldn't," he repeated simply, looking amused.

"Watch me," I spat and spun on heel. I almost reached the blasted door when I heard him say softly;

"What a pity, boy; you're doing this for her and she won't even be alive to see what you did."

I spun around, the blood pounding in my head. "What are you talking about?" I said, emphasizing every word, trying to show my anger yet hide my fear and pounding heart.

He laughed again. "Potter, I am not naïve. I've had you under my thumb for five years now because I held the promise of returning your parents to life. Now, it seems this no longer appeals to you. So I had to find something else, discover something else. And after much research – you're quite good at covering your feelings, you know – I found out your deep dark secret and how," here, he leaned forward, eyes shining manically, "how you will do anything to please her." He chuckled softly, still watching my ashen face. "How better than to overthrow me, to show her the _hero_ you are."

My desires are my downfalls. I was weakened by the prospect of having parents, on having a normal life that I agreed to become his puppet, his slave.

And now…once again, my desires are being used against me. He'll kill her, the one girl I love if I leave and I will not have her blood on my hands.

Not hers.

So I remain within his troops. Remain with the darkest lord of the age, the lord the girl I love has set herself against. Remain with the lord that she despises.

I will stay with this _thing _– for it can no longer be human, after all the damage and pain done – for her.

----------

He watches me calculating. He knows I'm rising out of his grasp, even with the threat of killing her on my head. He knows that I'm changing, that I've had a taste of the good side and I want more. He knows that I will fight him and win. He knows it is her who is bringing this change in me, that she is causing my green eyes to flicker with emotion and come alive.

She's saving me and he will not allow it.

-----------

He killed her. That lying, no good bastard killed my love. And when he promised he would keep her alive. His promises meant nothing; they were empty words and I was fool enough to believe in them.

It is my fault; I was going to leave him and he has punished me by taking her away. He took her away because she was saving me.

And I thought I could save her, that I could protect her from this _monster_.

The salty, burning tears streamed down my cold cheeks as I stood out in the icy winds, staring at the darkened sky. _Forgive me,_ I think to her while clutching her locket tightly, the locket I had given to her. I squeeze my eyes shut. _Forgive me, my love. _

I hearfootsteps behind me and tense up immediately. I know who it is immediately; the killing, son of a bitch that killed my love.

"She makes you weak," says the soft, chilling voice. "She wanted to change you to make you hopeless. Look at you; pathetic."

"You killed her," I say, unable to keep the tremble out of my voice, my hands clutched in fists, shaking from both grief and suppressed anger. "You killed her."

"I did," he acknowledges. He moves closer, black cloak sweeping the floor. "But do not fear," he whispers. "I can bring her back; I can bring them all back." He holds out the word "all", a curl to his voice, beckoning me to take the offer. Just like it had been there when I was eleven.

My eyes are still shut; the tears burn against my eyelids. Unwillingly, images of her beautiful, soft face fill my mind's eye. Visions of her laughing, smiling, _alive_ come, so vivid and so real. My heart tightens in yearning and I fight it but I know it is a battle that I will lose.

As I slowly turn around, lifting my defeated green eyes to look into those red, gleaming eyes and the triumphant smile curled on the pale face, only one thought is running through my mind:

Damn my desires; damn my weak heart.

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, I know, it was short but I like it. I might come back and add a part here and there, or change this or that but who knows. Anyways, I'll try and update Fairy Tales Just Aren't For Me once I fix chapter 15, because I missed two important parts.

Please review! It'll mean a lot to me!


End file.
